Ms. Ferreria
English Language Arts
Period 3
December 3, 2012
Free Write
If I could fly whenever I wanted to I would fly to see my aunt, uncle, and cousins in Minnesota and in Europe. The reason I fly would there is because I usually would not be able to see them that often. So if I was able to fly I could see them whenever I wanted to.I have not seen them for about a year or two. I hope to see them soon.
I agree I would see my aunt in Arizona because I don't see her very often. You could have gone more in depth with this free write and maybe talk more about why you want to see them. You could also have made this into a story if you wanted to but it is not neccesary. You could have also gave another reason why you would want to fly and where you would fly to.
ReplyDeleteYou have a good start here, Kyle, but it's missing one thing - you! Your personality isn't here. I want to experience this with you, not just hear you say that this is what you would do and why. Put way more of you and your wit in this piece, please, and then I think you'll have something great. Keep going, bud!
ReplyDeleteHey Kyle, I do get the general idea, but I really think you should add more. It seems kind of like it's the bare minimum and the closing sentence doesn't quite, well... fit. I mean, it's good that you want to see your cousins and all, but maybe stress that feeling a little bit more.
ReplyDelete