Kyle A Adamiak
Ms. Ferreira
English Language Arts
Period 3
December 17, 2012
Hello, today we are gathered here to extend the “olive branch” and make peace with all the enemies of the world. We must all come together and become one nation. Instead of fighting and killing each other we could come together in peace and harmony.
( Pause, Look at audience)
I have a dream that one day we came all come together with our brothers and sisters and make this nation a success. We could keep all of our own routines but we were all part of one nation.
( Pause, Look at audience)
I have a dream that one day there would be peace and harmony among this planet Earth. Even the worst of enemies would not fight anymore.
( Pause, Look at audience)
We shall have peace all around the world or the world will go up in flames of these wars that we are having. How would you feel if war came to your own country? If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy, then you become partners. A quote from Nelson Mandela
( say thank you and walk back to desk)
I liked how you used "olive branch" in the beginning. I would try to use a stronger vocabulary, not necessary big words, but strong words, that show more passion. I might also give real life examples. What was the quote by Nelson Mandela, there isn't quotation marks around it. And if war came to the U.S. then I believe that we would enter a state of chaos and madness. We would no longer have order and everything would be horrible, nobody would ever want to live here anymore, just as we don't want to live in Afghanistan.
ReplyDeleteHey Kyle-
ReplyDeleteI really like they way you put what you were supposed to do in parentheses like, ( Pause, look at audience). That's a good way to make sure you don't mess up. But, you forgot to put quotation marks around your quote. But, other than that, great job!!!!
I like your idea of becoming one nation, it would really make things a lot simpler. I also like the
ReplyDeletequote from Nelson Mandela, it really goes with the feeling of the speech. It's also nice how you put in certain parts to pause and look up at the audience.
Well, Kyle, I do think your opening and closing could use some work, but I do think you're on the right track with the bulk of it, but I think you need a little bit more words or some sort of figurative language, just a suggestion. I do like how you used the quote but I think that next time you should probably write it and cite it correctly.
ReplyDelete